My Love-Hate Relationship With Spanks

I love Spanks. They pull everything in, tighten up my mummy tummy, and make me feel more confident in dresses.

But then… I sometimes hate them as well.

I went to a party last weekend and wore my groovy new jumpsuit. It’s thin fabric, lovely and flowy. But of course, there’s not much feeling of being ‘held in’. So I decided to wear spanks.


I have two pairs. One pair, is real, brand name Spanks. They’re as comfy as something that sucks you in like a wrapped ham can be. They’re also dirty right now, as I wrote them recently and hadn’t sorted out putting on a hand wash.

The other pair is a cheap imitation that I bought in London. They’re also from my pre-baby days, so are a couple of sizes smaller than I’d be likely to buy these days. But, I figured, spanks are meant to be tight, right?

So I was getting ready for the party on one of those sweltering Sydney days. I had a lukewarm shower to cool myself down and wash off the day’s sweat, which is unavoidable on those boiling summer days. So, nice and cool, I went into the bedroom and started wrestling with the spanks, I was tugging the legs on and they kept rolling down on the inside, making it even more difficult to pull them up. I thought my hips were going to bruise when the fake spanks reached the end of their elastic capability, but managed to eventually squeeze myself into them.

I was sweating again by now, of course. But I was pretty happy with the svelte figure looking back at me from the mirror. Jumpsuit on, happy with the result, and a few extra squirts of perfume to mask the smell of my wrestling match, we headed out to the party.

At the party, I looked hot but of course was getting hot as well. Plus you’ve heard me talk before about:

  1. How I have trouble pairing me as a mum with the old me of pre-kidlet, and
  2. Life doesn’t involve enough champagne.

So every once in a while I go to a party and try to make up for all the champagne that I’m not drinking the rest of the time. This may or may not have been one of those parties, no one can say for sure, but what I CAN say for sure was that eventually, I had to use the bathroom.

Cheap spanks roll down easily, but once they were down, woah Nelly it was another wrestling match on a sweaty afternoon to get them back on. But they make you look hot, right?! So I won that round and they were securely back in place.

But then the night carried on, people left and it was the hub, me and the hosts hanging out. And I decided it was time. I was boiling, the hub thinks I’m hot, spanks or no, and I rolled them off with sweet relief and immediately dropped about 12 degrees. And I don’t think anyone even noticed they were gone.

So what’s the moral of the story here?

Let’s walk away with a few lessons:

1. If you feel confident then everyone thinks you are, and most of us have more fun when we’re not hiding at the back of the room. So it’s totally ok to fake it ’till you make it! If you have tricks you can use to make you feel more comfortable while you settle in (to a party, a networking event, a conversation) then use them.

2. Freedom comes from within. So once I accepted myself, as I am in all the post-baby glory, I could take off the spanks and be freeeeeeeee. Think about where else you’re holding yourself back because of fear of what others might think of you. You might not be worried about the shape of your tummy in your jumpsuit, but where do you hide?

3. There’s no such thing as too much champagne in life (wait, did I already say that?).

4. Maybe we can change that to: it’s important to know what it is that lights you up, so you can bring more of whatever that is into your life. Do you know when you’re the most happy? Do you know what brings you joy? How can you let more of that into your life?

xx Sam

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2 Comments on My Love-Hate Relationship With Spanks

  1. Olivia Lane
    March 6, 2015 at 6:35 AM (3 years ago)

    I love lesson #1. It’s hard to feel terrible and awkward while you’re acting like you’re having a fantastic time.

    • samantha
      March 13, 2015 at 12:24 PM (3 years ago)

      If you look like you’re having fun then people gravitate to you, then all of a sudden you ARE having fun!


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